A few weeks back, through the nudging of the Holy Spirit, I sat down and wrote out what I believed my strengths were.  When I was done, I had two pages of skills, priorities, passions, and values, as well as a section outlining the Germanic and English roots and meaning of my name (my two family lines).  When I was done I was a little taken aback by how much I had written, but also, by the certainty of the truth of what I had written.  What was on the page described me pretty well and it was good.

Then I heard the quiet question, “What stops you from living this in fullness?”

Honestly? Fear.

“Fear of what?”

I pondered…lots raced through my thoughts.  When it came right down to it, I realized I was the one most responsible for the build up of fear within me.  Whenever I get a great idea that I could run with, I begin to think way down the road at all the possible things that could go wrong, or all the resistance I could meet, or discover how redundant my thought was…someone else was way ahead of me already doing it, or I’ll get started and not be able to finish (I don’t like that) and I end up thinking, how can I possibly manage this or make this happen or follow through.  I don’t have position or resources or support.  I can’t take this to where I see it going. 

This was not new.  In fact, a conversation with a friend a few years back began to echo loudly in my head – she was challenging me about getting myself so wrapped up in all the details that I overwhelm myself and derail even good intentions nevermind good actions.  Funny how things come full circle enough times that you finally “get it”.

I also remembered a more recent conversation with another friend who talked with me about the difference between vision and revelation; how in the Christian community we get caught up in big, bold vision and expect leaders to have it, when the scriptures have very little to say about that.  What the scriptures do talk about is revelation and obedience to it.  He encouraged me to think more in terms of being a leader who is obedient to whatever God was showing me.  God needs leaders who are obedient, not who have vision – the vision piece is his. 

Agree.

Then I yielded to another nudge and looked up what it meant to live according to your strengths and the first article I found was the only one I needed.  The author basically said, quit focusing on the how, and focus only on the what, as in, what is the next step?  We have no idea what that one step will lead to, what doors it might open, what conversations it might unfold, what new “revelation” we might have that we could not have had without taking that one step. 

Putting all of this together created a powerful catalyst within me.  I decided in that moment that I would practice as a way of life, taking my eyes off the “how” and focus simply on the “what”. 

In the weeks that have followed I have been amazed at how often fear has raised its head in the face of an opportunity or challenge or uncertainty; how many times I have had to confront that fear by digging in and just taking the next step. 

It’s working.  I was reflecting last night on some of the amazing things God has opened up before me simply because I took that one next step – that step that said no to fear and yes to obedience.  I was amazed at the bold things I have done that I would never have imagined myself doing before but now inspire me.

So, I am hooked, persuaded, convinced that it is for God to lead and for me to just take the next step.