So…it has been awhile since my last post.  That’s what happens I guess when you take the fences off your playground (see  A Different Church for more on this).  You think you are going to head out into great adventures, new visions and ways of doing things.  And it’s true..but not the way imagined or expected (even if you were trying to not have an agenda or some sense of what things should look like).

First thing that happens?  A bit of time to reflect on what you have just done and to decide to stick with the plan…not go in retreat.  Like taking the fences down from around your house, suddenly now you are more exposed and vulnerable than you were before.  You are no longer within certain boundaries – now it feels like the whole world is watching even if no one is watching…and like anyone can come into your space and there is little you can do about it.  And what is beyond is both strangely familiar and yet also so different. 

You could leave the fences down or you could rebuild.  Actually, really…you can’t rebuild.  You know you have to leave them down.  You don’t want to live a safe life at the expense of missing a full life…of discovering the gift beyond that first tugged at your heart and gave you the motivation to tear that fence down in the first place.

Next?  You start to look at where you have been with different eyes…new light from “beyond” is shed on what is near.  You have room to take a step back now, with a different perspective, with different things at stake and for me, it has been rather awakening, not always pleasantly so…in fact, some days I feel like I have been rather unceremoniously dumped out of my bed, landing with a thud on the floor. 

Not that things were so bad…but definitely a need to “put my house in order” or do some serious “spring cleaning”, however you prefer to describe it.

The light from “beyond” shines from a number of different places challenging me to rethink and/or revisit many different things:

Who have I been and what have I withheld or offered in my marriage?

Who have I been and how have I offered myself in any relationship?  What patterns of life and light need to be celebrated?  What patterns of darkness in my mind or soul have taken root that need to be dug out or starved to death?

How do I respond to kids on the streets…homeless, jobless, and involved in many different “questionable” activities (especially in light of the fact that I was once there myself)?

How do I respond to those who just want to “help those kids”.

How do I respond to my own children ready to take the next step toward their own soon coming into adulthood? How do I respond to those who are facing the possibility of not seeing their own children reach this stage?

How do I respond to the gap between the church and the gay community? 

How do I respond to the elderly who are wondering why they are still alive? or what use they still have? or who can’t remember what you just said a minute ago?

How do I respond to the injustices and systems and people (real live people) of this world that sustain things like the sex trade and child slavery and poverty, some of which happens in my own “backyard”, as in, in my city, my province, my country?

How do I respond to those labelled as disabled or impaired or in some way not fitting the norm?  Along with that, how do I respond to mental illness, challenge, or injury and its long term consequences?

How do I respond to those who are unemployed?

How do I respond to the structures and systems of religion and culture?  Just what do I believe anyway about God and life and humanity and sin and death and guilt and hope and so on…?  How has that changed?  And how do I respond to those who believe differently?

These are not benign, academic issues.  Each of them has touched my life in some direct way at some point in time and since taking the fences down, I have been graced with the challenge to revisit them all with added or different perspective, experience and intentionality.

I am compelled to ask, “Where is God in each of these things…and where am I?”  I wanted over the next year to learn to love beyond what I had already known.  I am becoming acutely aware of some of the breaches in my capacity and orientation to love and that ultimately, each of the above issues is about love. 

It’s not that I do not have love at all…I do.  But it is no small thing to me that by God’s grace and leading I have set aside this year to grow in love…you have to be with people to love people and I have been “reintroduced” (if you will) to people who, not so much in physical terms but in terms of priority, had slipped, not receiving from me more intentional, life-giving relationship…some more so than others.

Mmmm…and this is just the beginning 🙂  It will be interesting to see how things continue to unfold in the days, weeks and months ahead. 

I just received an email from a friend…he finished with these words,

“Blessings as you love your husband and kids and lead courageously.”  If he only knew how fitting those words were right now!